glossarium haikularium

…in ancient days a manuscript was writ…
…containing within its pages the words and powers of the divine haiku goddess…
…the lady was possessed of three arms…
…upon her left and right sides, her hands ended in five slender fingers…
…as was given to mortal man…
…but her center arm contained seven fingers upon her hand…
…and her psalms were thusly structured…


-chapter I : verse I of the glossarium haikularium


though it is unknown from whence this ancient text came (and why a japanese goddess would be writing in the roman tongue), recent translations have brought to light that part of this work is a glossary of terms relating to haiku. other parts are mostly rants against the shirt manufacturing industry (try finding three-armed tees anywhere) and bitter comments about some practice known as ‘blogging’ (perhaps a form of ritual sacrifice used by the goddess’ priests) and rather obscene remarks concerning the ancient rite of ‘reality television’. though these bizarre customs have no relevance to our modern-day culture, it is thought that these things were sacred to the great haiku goddess, who also was of very rubinesque stature (due to her love of chinese buffet) and lived upon the holy mount in a ‘trailer’. the following is the result of long hours of translation and only represents a portion of the haikularium. more will be forthcoming…


buku – haiku written in really large text with much random, unnecessary punctuation. a technique used to hide that fact that the haiku in question has little content or meaning in and of itself.

haikudos – 1) a chocolate covered granola bar used as an energy source when writing haiku. 2) a greeting from one haiku practitioner to another or a congratulatory remark made when a haiku is particularly clever or witty. such usage instantly pegs the user as someone who does not regularly get laid

scifiku – the rather creepy form of haiku using elements of science fiction as inspiration. usually written by large individuals who like to dress as ‘klingons’ and ‘romulans’. (these are the ones we generally tend to stay away from when dragged to conventions.) for examples of less-creepy scifiku, clicketh here.

renga – the annoying party game where everyone stacks their haiku on the table like a tower then takes turns pulling a haiku out of the bottom and placing it on top.  when the tower inevitably falls, everyone shouts ‘renga!’ and the person who caused the collapse has to buy a round of drinks.

sorry if you’re bored…
don’t blame me i’m just a blog


One thought on “glossarium haikularium

  1. haikudo says:

    Ha ha very funny, Mister Funnyman !

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